The Pet Ladder

When we were first married, we rescued two cats from a pet shelter. Two cats is enough pet for anyone, particularly when those cats have enough hair create a thousand tribbles every time you comb them. I was pretty sure we would never acquire another pet, at least not until our beloved cats were no longer with us.

The cat, who resents the fact that we had kids.

Then we had kids. Kids who love animals. Kids who want a dog.

I needed to find a smaller, less troublesome pet to satisfy the boys' need for animal companionship. This is not to instill a sense of responsibility, since we all know who ends up taking care of the household pets (hint: it rhymes with "Nommy"). It is more of a stalling tactic, hoping to delay the inevitable dog by a few years. I don't really want to use a pooper scooper in addition to changing diapers every day.

The "small pet" choice had to be carefully considered. I didn't want to start with something like a hamster, because I hate rodents and the smell of rodent pee they're too delicate for small children to care for. I'm not allowing reptiles, either, because I don't want to have to watch it feed every week. Around Easter time, I found the perfect pet. Sea Monkeys.

Future fish food. I mean, "Sea Monkeys."

Sea monkeys are great. Almost no care, except for replenishing water once in a while and dumping some powdered food into the "tank." And if they die, no one really cares. After all, they're a bunch of creepy crustaceans that look like bugs.

What I didn't count on was my husband's reaction to the Sea Monkeys. He observed our boys watching the underwhelming specks, and immediately declared, "They need a FISH TANK!"

And so we have started climbing the "pet ladder." You know, the one where you buy an innocuous "starter pet" and end up with a zoo in the family room. The fish tank has been purchased, three fish placed in the tank, and what do you know- one of the fish is already pregnant!

In a week or so, we will have a bazillion little swordtails hiding in the plastic plants. Unless Mom and Dad decide to eat all of their young, which is what I suspect will happen.

The expectant couple

So far, I have been able to stop the growth of Zoo Lefler, even as Dennis peruses advertisements shouting, "Adorable dachshunds! 8 weeks old! WITH PAPERS!"Because, apparently, having "papers" makes your dachshund even more adorable. My official stance is "No more pets," lest we end up with three turtles, ferrets, an iguana, and a herd of alpacas in the backyard.

I doubt I'll be able to hold out against the three other members of the family for long. Wish me luck!