Some Assembly Required

I'm always on the lookout for a good deal, so when I saw a toy kitchen at KMart for $35, I snapped it up. The image on the box cover showed two pathologically happy children engaging in the joy of pretend play, and I congratulated myself on saving so much money. The box stated the toy would make "real cooking sounds" and "some assembly required." Both of these were lies. Pure lies.

I opened the box to assemble the kitchen during Matthew's nap. HAHAHAHAHA! That's hysterical laughter. This was no one hour assembly job. I thought the box felt awfully lightweight...

Out of the box fell many plastic sheets and a bag containing 8 million screws. I might be underestimating the screw count. In addition, there were blueprints which appeared to have been drawn up by a third grade child. The holes for the screws didn't line up. Of course they didn't! We got the kitchen put together by late last night, with the aid of a power screwdriver which didn't care if the holes lined up. We even put in the little cooktop that made the "real cooking sounds." It sounds more like science fiction B-movie sound effects. Matthew won't care, I'm sure. We also have several screws left over. I am assuming these were "extras." They have to be extras. WE ARE NOT going to take that thing apart and start over!

I also discovered this "toy" is capable of inflicting wounds. Because all of the parts were flat plastic sheets connected in a fashion similar to airplane models, sharp burrs were left on all of the accessories. This left me with a gash in my left hand. I was ready to throw out the toy (probably designed by a person who secretly hates children), but my husband got small wirecutters and deburred the entire toy. Thank goodness for his childhood experience with models!

I may write to the manufacturer to suggest including gauze and antibacterial ointment in future models. Christmas is not for the feint of heart!